WHYYY is his heeead so BIIG?
by Razzabeth
Summary: ZADR. Fourth chapter up! Have Dib and Zim found a way out of 'solitary' confinement, or is it all an eeeevil trap?! YOU MUST KNOW!
1. Prolouge

Disclaimah: There once was a man named Jhonen,  
Who Invader Zim he was ownen'  
Cuz he loves me and you  
Authors of fanfic he won't sue,  
If we say it belongs to him.. en.  
  
There's only so many things that rhyme with Jhonen, 'kay?! sheesh. Um, Invader Zim belongs to that hottie we all love named Jhonen Vasquez. Not me. If I owned IZ, then this wouldn't be fanfic, now would it? It would be like.. an episode. Oo. Go read story now.  
  
Chapter One  
  
Dib scowled at the green boy who was currently perched on top of the jungle gym. How could the others not see who he really was?! Had they the brain worms?  
  
He scribbled furiously in his notebook, not really paying attention to what he was writing. Just another rant about Zim, as per usual.  
  
"AHHHAHAHAHA! Filthy humans, I have defeated your.. jungle.. thingy. I'M KING OF THE WORRRRLD!" Zim cackled from atop the aforementioned twisted metal contraption. The rest of the children looked at him funny, then resumed their normal activites.  
  
..Dib rolled his eyes, and looked down at his notebook to see where he had left off.. only to screech in unrestrained horror at what he saw.  
  
'Alien Activity Log - March 19th, 2002: Today, I tripped on my way to my table in the cafeteria. Zim saw and laughed so hard that milk squirted out of his eyes. I pointed this out to the rest of the kids in the cafeteria, but of course, Zim had cleaned himself up before anyone saw. So, they ended up pointing at laughing at ME because of the tripping and falling. I hate Zim. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I love him SO MUCH!!'  
  
Dib closed his notebook quickly. How had LOVE gotten in there?! It was probably Zim, trying to throw his brain off balance! Dib looked up at the jungle gym. Zim was no longer gloating over his triumph. Instead, he was looking at Dib with that infamous squinty-eye/big-eye.. expression.. thing.  
  
No.. it couldn't possibly have been Zim. Dib stuck his tongue out at him, then looked back down at his notebook, then looked away.  
  
Could it be..  
  
Maybe his subconcious was trying to tell him something?  
  
Maybe.. that old saying was true.. what had his mother said? 'Hate is only love with its back turned'?  
  
Maybe.. all the chasing, the fighting.. maybe it was just a front for his true feelings.  
  
Maybe..  
  
..naaah. It was probably just dyslexia or something, Dib thought. He got up, gathered his things, then headed back into the classroom. Recess was over, after all.  
  
  
  
Zim examined Dib from his perch atop the jungle gym. Why was Dib's face so.. pinker.. ish.. than usual? Was he sick?  
  
Zim watched Dib as he walked into the school building, staring at the doorway Dib had vanished into for a few minutes before he remembered that he, too, should probably be going to class as well.  
  
Zim looked down at the ground, and realized that he had no clue how to get down without using his mechanical legs and, thus, blowing his cover.  
  
"Um.. help?" the mighty Zim squeaked.   
  
A tumbleweed blew across the empty playground.  
  
  
A/N: So. This ended up being more of a prolouge than a real chapter, ick, the shortness.. but, hey, it looked a lot longer on my palm pilot. But, I've got some nice plans for the rest of this story, with nice, long chapters. So review, and you just might get 'em ^-^ 


	2. Stuart

Disclaimer: Yo. Not mine.  
  
(note: dyslexia is a brain disorder where you write things or read things as backwards or opposite of what they are. ^-^)  
  
Dib sat quietly in class, staring at his test.  
  
'If two mooses cross the street while a man eating chicken observes from above, then how many apples do I have?'  
  
He thought for a moment, then entered 'Doom' into the answer space. When in Ms. Bitters' class and in doubt, then doom usually worked.  
  
Dib finished his test, and turned his paper over. He sat there quietly for a minute.  
  
Time passed.  
  
Dib looked up at the clock. Dayamn! Still a whole hour to go?  
  
Maybe he should've gone through the test more carefully.  
  
Dib sighed, flipping his test right-side up again. He carefully went over the questions, checking all his answers thoroughly.. well, as best as he could, with the questions making no sense. Dib erased some things, crossed out others, re-wrote, and showed his work in neat sections beside the answers. He erased any stray lines, perfected his signature on top o th test, and even corrected some of the grammar mistakes Ms. Bitters had made. He then turned his paper over, confident that he had at least done away with a half hour. Dib glanced at the clock.  
  
WHAT?! Only five minutes had passed?  
  
But, Dib had no time to bemoan his fate,for just then..an alien burst through his ribcage!!  
  
...  
  
Oh, oops, the door. I meant door, not ribcage.  
  
"HA! I, Zim, have escaped your 'jungle' trap! Now, to-"  
  
"ZIM! No talking during the test!"  
  
"But I didn-"  
  
"That's it, it's solitary confinement for you!" Ms. Bitters slithered over, picking Zim up by the scruff oh his neck. She then took the poor, futiley struggling Irken over to her desk, where she pressed a small, inconspicuous button on the side of her desk.  
  
A trapdoor swung open in the middle of the room, creaking loudly from years of disuse. A cobweb stretched from the lid to the floor, but it was quickly broken by the small army of bats that flew, screeching, from the hole.  
  
The entire class stared at it in shocked silence.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Zita shrieked as a thin, skeletonlike hand reached out of the hole. A bony old man pulled himself up out of the hole. He had a long, scraggly beard and a wild look on his deranged face. Gray clothing hung from his malnourished body in scraps and rags.  
  
He glared around the room with sunken eyes, flecks of froth flying from his long yellow teeth from the rapid movement of his head. His beard, however, stayed in place, hardened by a thick layer of what looked like caked blood. The man made a noise that sounded halfway between a growl and a snort, then coughed up a rat skeleton onto one of the childrens' desks.  
  
"SQUEEEE!!" the kid squee'd, and ran screaming out of the room.  
  
The old scrawny corpse of a man turned to Ms. Bitters.  
"Is solitary confinement over now, Ms. Bitters? Can I go home?"  
  
"Oh, Stuart, I forgot about you. Yes, you may go home."  
  
"YAY!!" the shrunken shadow of a man squealed, then ran out the door.  
  
"..." Zim eloquently stated. "..No! You can't put me in theeere! That's cruel and unusual punishMEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeee.." he shrieked when Ms. Bitters let him go, trailing off as he fell into the abyss. Dib jumped out of his seat and ran over to the hole, peering down into the shadowy depths.  
  
"HAHAHA, Zim! You got solitary confinement, nyah nyah nyah! Stupid alien!"  
  
"DIB! No talking during the test! Solitary confinement for you, too!" Ms. Bitters said, looming over Dib from behind him.  
  
"No, please, Ms. Bitters! I'm sorry, I swear! Don't make me go down there with Zim!"  
  
"No exceptions!" Ms. Bitters said, bringing back her mighty boot.  
  
"NOOOO-Wait, it's not solitary confinement if I'm there with ZiiiiiIIIIIIAHHHHHHHH!" Dib screamed like a little girl as he fell down, down into the solitary confinement hole of doooom.  
  
The class stared.  
  
"GET BACK TO WORK!" Ms. Bitters snarled. Everyone jumped slightly, and then buried themselves back in their work.  
  
  
A/N Wee! Thanks for all the lovely reviews, they made me feel toasty and good.. now do it some more!!.. please? This thing's probably gonna get to be a real novel.. I have a lot of ideas for it. But, alas, my ideas are like some sort of car, and reviews are what fuel it. You know, like that car with the grass in that movie with the dog.. yeah. I love you all!! 


	3. Spinach?

A/N Wee. The long awaited (HAH) chapter threee!!  
  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Dib paused in his screeching to breathe, then continued.   
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH-MPH, ow!" Dib was cut short by landing face-first into a dingy matress, which he promptly bounced out of and onto a cold, damp floor. He picked himself up and brushed off his clothes, taking a look around him.   
  
The matress that had broken his fall was really the only thing he could see clearly, because the light far above that was the opening of the hole shone on it. The rest of the room was dark and mysterious, though if Dib squinted he thought he could see some shapes off in the shadows.  
  
"Well.. this isn't as bad as I thought." he said to himself. "As soon as my eyes adjust to the light, I can-" Dib was interrupted by loud BANG, followed by the loss of every bit of light in the room. Ms. Bitters had shut the door.  
  
Dib blinked at the pitch blackness, then drew in a deep breath, turned around, and-  
  
"AHHHHHH!" Dib shrieked, scrambling backwards.  
  
"What? What? Do I have something in my teeth?" Zim said, looming above Dib on his spider legs. A flashlight connected to his backpack shone down eeriely from above.  
  
"N-no.. just your ugly alien face startled me!"  
  
Zim glared. "Fine then, pathetic Dib-worm. Let's see you navigate this awful hole BY YOURSELF!" And with that, Zim turned, and skittered off with his flashlight in hand.  
  
"Fine! I can do it.. by myself.. alone.. in the dark.." Dib stood there in the shadows, unsure of what to do.  
All around him, he could see nothing but black, except for the small glow off in the distance that was Zim.  
  
And..  
  
Dib..  
  
Heard..  
  
Noises..  
  
Chitters and squeaks of bats, rats, and mice. Soft scuffles of covkroach and other things. Dib felt something lither by his foot, and something slimy touched his hand. He jumped, muffling a yell. He felt a breeze.. did something just fly by his head?!  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHIT'SINMYHAIRIT'SINMYHAIRIT'SINMYHAIR!!" Dib ran around screaming for a few minutes, then ran in the general direction of the flashlight of Zim.  
  
Meanwhile, Zim was also rushing towards the place where he had dropped his flashlight, jumping over and ahead of Dib with unseen ease and use of his mechanical legs. He didn't like being alone and lost in an alien [haha, pun] enviroment, not even having the comfort of GIR's voice to listen to, since his radio contact didn't have a signal so far undergound. Zim hadn't been willing to ask the huuuuman for help. But.. it would be a different thing entirely if Dib-worm ran screaming for ihis/i help.  
  
Zim got to his flashlight with not a moment to spare. He picked it up and turned around, shining it at Dib.  
"Well, well, well. What do we have he-MMPH!!" Zim was interrupted by the terrified Dib that seemed to be clinging to his head.  
  
"THE HORROR! THE HORROR! IT'S IN MY HAAAAAAAAIR-oh, neat, I caught me an alien."  
  
"GET OFF!" said Zim, and with a mighty push, Dib was sprawled on the ground. "What has gotten into you, stinkbeast?!" Zim asked, knowing perfectly well what had gotten into him.  
  
"I.. um.. have decided that.. uh."  
  
"Wrong, Dib-worm! I, Zim, have decided that you will aid me in my quest to escape the horrors of this huuuuman stink hole." Zim said, flexing his claws for emphasis.  
  
Dib raised an eyebrow. "O..kay. How do you know that I won't backstab you and lead you to a.. bad place?"  
  
"Hmm.. true." Zim said thoughtfully. Then, with inhuman speed, Zim snapped a metal bracelet onto Dib's wrist.  
  
"HEY!" Dib yelled, then frantically tried to pull it off. All he managed to do was bruise his wrist.  
  
"There. That will blow you to smithereens if you betray me. Problem solved. MWUAHAHAHAHA!!" Zim cackled.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Dib calmy shrieked before attempting to chew his hand off.  
  
"Hey, stop that." Zim said, smacking Dib's abnormally large head. He then turned, looking around at the black abyss that surrounded them. "Now.. how do we get out of here?"  
  
  
  
A/N -.- I gotta tell ya.. it is SO hard to not rush into the romance part without any like.. plot buildup. Yes, there will eventually be a plot. blah. 


	4. The Doors

A/N: I love you people! And this thingy said that somebody put me on their favorites list.. whoeverdunnit, I LOOOVE YOOOOU except Bob the Builder. Bob the Builder: I removed your review because MAAAN IT SUUUUUCKED.. (a.k.a. it was unconstructive, pointless, and scrolled my reviews page. So eff you in the aye. ^-^)  
  
  
"YES! I, Zim, think that we're almost out! We just turn right here, and-AUGH!" Zim and Dib stopped short as they came to the exact same moss-covered rock as they had been passing time after time in the past hour. "Cursed rock! Do not mock Ziiim!" Zim said, bringing back his mighty Irken boot in order to kick the aforementioned rock.  
  
"Wait! I have an idea.. moss always grows on the north side of trees, right? So maybe the same is true for rocks!" Dib bent down and examined it.   
  
But, the rock was covered with moss on all sides. Dib scowled. "Just my luck.." he mumbled, and kicked the rock away.  
  
Just then, a nearby wall opened up,the sides scraping and groaning as rock was forced to move after decades of staying still. A dark passage remained. Dib blinked. "..Nifty."  
  
"Mwahaha! Good work, pathetic stinkbeast. There may be a brain in that enormous head after all! Onward, to freedom!" Zim said, and marched through the doorway.  
  
Dib blinked again. That was.. pretty much the first time Zim had ever complimented him on something, even if it was attached to an insult. Dib followed, an odd smile on his face.  
  
"..wait a minute.. HEY, MY HEAD'S NOT BIIIG!"  
  
As they walked through the passageway, Dib noticed that things seemed to look more.. normal as they went on. The ground got less rocky, more like it had been actually cleared and packed down for walking on. It also seemed that as they traveled farther down, the dirt had patterns etched into it. At first it was faint, but gradually clearer as they went. The walls and ceiling also changed. Where there was once rocks, bumps, and.. dangly.. rock.. things, there was now clearly defined walls and ceiling, even with charming little lamps in the walls to light the way. Dib glanced at the ground. A rug with the same designs that had been in the dirt now covered it. Zim switched off his flashlight, as it was no longer needed.  
  
"Hey, look.. the doors." Dib said.  
  
"I have no need of beastly huuuman music groups, Dib." Zim sniffed (an amazing feat indeed, for one with no nose).  
  
"No, not those doors, THOSE doors!" Dib said, pointing.  
  
And lo, for there was indeed doors now lining the hallway.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"One of these has to lead out. Start trying doors." Dib said, twisting the knob of one on the left.  
Zim went for one on his right, and checked inside. There he found an impossibly skinny man with spike-y black hair sitting on a crate across from a man with several drill holes in his head. There was blood everywhere, and they were both eating cheese sandwiches. The skinny man frowned at Zim.  
  
"Hey. Go away." he said.  
  
"Oh, okay. Sorry." Zim said then shut the door.  
  
Dib opened his door, only to find a..  
  
  
bMOOSE  
  
  
EATING  
  
  
WALNUTS/b  
  
  
"AHHHHH!" Dib screamed, then slammed the door shut.  
  
Zim went to the next door, and found a dirty man in a box.  
  
"Linda? Is that yew? You gon' take me back, Linda? I love yew!" the man said, crawling towards Zim while dragging his box.  
  
"AWAY, FILTHY STINKWORM!" Zim yelled, backing out and shutting the door.  
  
Dib opened his next door a crack, and peeked inside. The room was bare, except for one small pink object in the middle. It was round, with four stumps that Dib guessed were legs sticking out of it. Dib stared at it, confused as to what it was, until it slowly turned to him with a terrifying noise..  
  
"Oink."  
  
Dib turned an even paler shade of white, and soundlessly closed the door.  
  
"Um.. m-maybe we should-"  
  
"I, Zim, have found a way out! ..I think." Zim said, squinting into the darkness of the room he had just opened. Dib wandered over to have a look.  
  
"Hey, yeah.. I think I see a light way back in there."  
  
Dib walked inside, Zim following close behind. As soon as they were in, the door shut behind them with a slam.  
  
"Crap!" Dib said, running back to try and get it open again, but it was no use. It was like the door had never existed, with the knob simply gone.  
  
"Stupid human! Why didn't you prop open the door?!" Zim said.  
  
Dib scowled, and Zim rolled his eyes. "Whatever. It can't be helped, now. ONWARD!"  
  
And so, they journeyed farther into the abyss.  
  
  
A/N: Review mas, por favor? Muchos gracias ^-^. 


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